New Year’s Resolutions: Here We Go Again…
New Year’s Resolutions: Here We Go Again…
Hey You! It’s A New Year: A New You!
Start manifesting and creating your best life!
Run confidently towards your dreams!
What are YOU working on right now to get there?
I know, in 2023, lets just do stuff that’s totally amazing, OK.
Personally, I want to run confidently away from this meme-ish suffocating, trope-filled, resolution, shouldistic, perfection malarky. Right now, I’m seriously working on preventing my eyes from rolling right out the back of my head when I read this stuff….
And I’m a coach! “Some coach! You ‘should’ be all over this”. Hmmm, nice wee bit of shoulding there….
I’m not a fan of shoulding you into becoming a new person, bombing towards something amazing and the notion that if you’re not actively manifesting your best-life and best-self there’s something wrong with you. It all feels like self directed passive-aggressive comparison loaded pressure to change.
Who even really wants to change anyway?
But, I guess this might appeal, motivate, encourage, and you might disagree. I welcome your take as you might even open my jaded, skeptical eyes to the magic I’m missing.
New Year’s Resolutions and goals set with a wonky foundation that don’t dive into the why, what’s really driving them and what they really mean to you, don’t work, they fritter away by Jan 10th. They lack depth and an understanding of you and what makes you tick.
However, your intentions are good and really worth exploring to find a sustainable way to do what you want to do - in the way you want to do it, and thats vital. This is way beyond goals. The intention is key and that needs some uncovering, which is usually the missing piece. I’m totally up for listening to and working with you on what’s going on for you when you feel this flush of wanting to do or let go of ‘stuff’; this wee ember if nurtured in the right conditions can build a roaring fire that keeps you and yours warm all year.
My Take?
A new year instigates reflections on what’s been going on in the past and our imaginations often project that forward; not again, no way, this has to change! The ‘what you’ve not done’ is normally first port of call as our pesky brains like to give us a hard time first. Not got that job, flipped careers, lost weight, moved house, maintained a gym routine, felt healthier, had ‘that’ convo’, read those books, or fulfilled any of last year’s resolutions. It brings some post-holiday blues edged with perhaps some regret, guilt or shame; relationships lost, people who’ve drifted away, connections frayed, people you miss, people your stringing along; I could’ve, should’ve done it differently and then the ‘why ‘should’ I be the one to…’. Some wishing for, craving for, longing for – I wish she/he/it/they were less… I wish I/they could get over it, I wish it was different and I wish I could have more/less…
This frustration and discomfort is horrible but it brings some hearty resolve to create big bold actions that removes this discomfort - it feels quite powerful in the moment (you might even be putting on your trainers heading for the first run since Jan 10th last year). This is a bum steer. It’s pretty much your will power asserting it’s authority over your decisions - but it’s resources are finite, they run out very, very quickly. It’s also your subconscious trying to take away the discomfort of the negative bias of your critique; what you haven’t done, wish or long for to be different - we are hard wired to remove this discomfort as quickly as possible and big and bold feels like it’ll do the job better. Enter resolutions! Fire up the rocket!
If anything, here resonates, this is all great noticing and self-reflection; what your experiencing is being a fully-fledged human and it’s a bit crap sometimes. Now, I’d love you to STOP before you fire up Resolution Rocket with fully-leaded-not-this-sh!t-again chartered for Planet Perfection in the New Me Galaxy.
Stop and consider all the bloomin good and great things you do bring to your table, ‘cause YOUR table is YOUR most important place. Consider your load, all the stuff you pile on your plate everyday and all the stuff you do get done consistently, what do you want more of? Consider all the connections you have built and value, the contribution you make to your important people and places that matter; I wish I could do more of this because… The people loved and life lived successfully; I’d love a bit more time for them and that because… This is gratitude not platitude, so calm your nasty wee inner-critic and muster this good stuff with the same conviction you usually reserve for self-flagellation.
Then:
Try sitting with all this, be brave, write it down somewhere (I know, that’s might feel odd, but give it a go). Think about it, leave it be, keep thinking about it - stand down Resolution Rocket. You might start to find some niggly annoying gaps, some real meaningful stuff you’d like to explore and perhaps have a bash at adding in, dropping off or doing differently. Relationships and connections to and with X you’d like to improve that you just know will make a difference. Ideas you’d like to explore and tinker with that could change how you feel; maybe you do want to make some tweaks and small changes? Drama you’d like to opt out of once and for all, stuff you’d like to get over and stop re-hashing and those conversations you know you need to have and you’ve been denying. What’s my purpose, values and something around meaning might flash through your mind here n there, maybe…
(For X and ideas insert people, work, colleagues, yourself, me-time, health, exercise, fun, excitement, light- heartedness, promotion, balance, drive, workload, boss, retirement, self-confidence, education, hobbies, business etc – it’s all on YOUR table).
Warning: This will feel even more uncomfortable, sorry... You might begin to realise more deeply that it’s kind of all about you and not really about mahoosive wholesale changes and that’s a wee bit annoying. Adding and eliminating big stuff feels like it’d be easier; Resolution Rocket is more appealing again, right? Wait a minute though…
Pause again. We know resolutions don’t work, you make them every year at Christmas, again on your sun-drenched deckchair and then again at Christmas; you know this! Unfortunately for us humans, discomfort is where the real stuff is and as my mother says, “You take yourself wherever you go”; which so annoyingly true. You are the key to all of this.
Seeing yourself with an inkling that there’s a wee bit more to bring to YOUR table, for YOUR own sake is the uncomfortable ember that builds that roaring fire but it is a wee bit tricky to sit with. You also know this isn’t about the new year, that’s the meme-ish trope that fires up resolution rocket which usually crashes back to earth by Jan 10th. This is simply and rather complicatedly about YOU - anytime, all the time, whenever and always. You are craving a bit of change. And here’s the thing - you can make these changes, in your way at your pace.
None of this being a human stuff is easy for anyone. The hardest part of this tricky stuff is getting started - unlike resolutions where getting started is the easy part. Asking for a wee hand to build the foundations that will still be there when your will power runs out also feels too hard. It’s uncomfortable. Like I should be able to do this on my own, I’m a grown up. I’ll be frank - how’s that working out for you so far? Flip the coin, consider this; those people who are doing the work, growing, changing, doing, have some help, coaches, mentors, therapists, advisers and they start with small and consistent wins. I will guide you through the discomfort and out the other side. That’s my thing. So:
I don’t do resolutions. I do work with you on how you do and would like to show up.
I don’t do manifestation. I help you to help your very capable self.
I don’t push you confidently to your dreams. I just don’t, and I can’t even find a do-do for that….
I don’t only do stuff that’s totally amazing. I mean, please, come on….
If this resonates, I’m here, when you feel ready for coaching.
Do the hardest bit first – reach out. You don’t have to upcycle your deckchair declarations that were your recycled hand-me-down last year resolutions - again. Move it on….