I thought I was an interloper I couldn't have been more wrong

I thought I was an interloper I couldn't have been more wrong…

I’ve recently described myself as an interloper in a fabulous group of already bonded women who I’ve come to admire massively.  These women are 45+, mainly bonded by the school gates.  Some are successful professionals, some are getting back to that spot, some are letting that go.  All are wives, mums, family makers, drivers of kid’s education, conscious parenters, supporters of husband’s intense careers, jugglers of several teenagers fickle and demanding lives, dog walkers, volunteers, fund-raisers, carers of elderly parents, organizers of lives, bloody good humans and what touches me most – solid supporters and uplifters of each other. 

I’m an interloper because I’m not a wife or a mum.  I’ve never done a school run, homework, sick-days, university scouting with a moody teenager, been called back to a fancy-dress emergency on Halloween or faced the day they fly the nest.  I’ve never had to be the circus ring master, and I tip my hat to them all.

What connects me to these women is the basic need and desire to connect; to uplift and be uplifted by other women.  To share and be heard.  To describe and appreciate the differences in our paths that brought us to the same place, today, here and now.  The circus and melee I realize, are entirely unimportant, and so I’m not really an interloper, am I?  I’m one of them, part of an us, a paladin, an advocate, a fellow bloody good human.

What really connects us is being another 45+ women navigating the 5th decade heading into the 6th and all the important life questions we’re asking ourselves right now. Riding the rollercoaster of menopause which will land us in the next amazing phase of our lives, and we want to be fully present for it, regardless of background.  There’s more to be given and more to ask for:

Who am I now?

Who do I want to be?

What’s important to me?

What do I want?

What / who do I want to let go of?

What’s holding me back?

How do I become me in this next phase of my life?

How do I get there – wherever there is?

We get outdoors, we hoof up hills and sand dunes, down denes, sit in the wind with our sandwiches, pub lunch and have a glass of wine (or two, cough cough).  We don’t always directly ask these questions, but they theme or conversations, rants, fears and hopes.  This connection is so uplifting for me personally and I sense for us all.  I didn’t realize just how much I was craving and missing this in my life until I pitched up for our first walk, knowing only one other person.

This simple commitment to once a month, leave the melee at home, rug up and take a hoof along a blustery beach with our dogs and a bag of jelly babies is a vital connection.  It comes with an open invitation to you and your’s.

Why am I sharing this? 

Firstly, I’m grateful to these women, some I’m connected to in LinkedIn or other sharing places, you know who you are; thank you, I appreciate you all. 

Secondly, it occurred to me as I reflected on this, just how simply this group has come together, there’s no organizer, no leader, no rules.  Sharing this might just inspire others to open themselves to connect in a similar easy breezy way.

We are hard-wired for connection from birth, without it we wither and fade.  Reach out, join in, extend or accept that invite; hell, invite yourself.  You might feel like an interloper for a wee while but flip the coin; you’ll be part of an ‘us’, and that - is quite magical! “Maybe it’s not the length of time you’ve known someone; maybe it’s about an instant connection on an unconscious level.  Our souls know each other”. S.E. Hall.

As we say in Scotland, “We’re aw Jock Tamsons Bairns”.