Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a psychological model developed from Family Therapy and Family Systems Therapy by Dr. Richard Schwartz, in the USA, in the 1980’s. He developed a model that applied his extensive work with family therapy and systems theory to use with individuals, to understand our inner world. This groundbreaking therapy model has been adapted by the IFSI (Internal Family Systems Institute) specifically for coaches and coaching. I am one of few coaches in the UK to be trained in IFS Coaching by Dick Schwartz’ IFS Institute.

IFS is a paradigm. It differs from other psychological models in that it that doesn’t pathologize, diagnose or prescribe - making it very compatible with coaching. It offers a perspective on Self-Leadership. The IFS Institute have devised an IFS Coaching Framework so coaches can use IFS principles in their coaching practice and keep it distinct from IFS Therapy. This coaching framework isn’t therapy, although it might feel therapeutic. It’s a safe non-therapy way to use IFS principles in a coaching space and I’m one of the few IFS Coaches in the UK trained by the IFS Institute as an IFS Coach..

In IFS Coaching we talk about ‘Parts’ and the ‘Self’.

Parts: Our psyche is made up of multiple parts that organise themselves in various helpful and unhelp ways. Each part is taking on a role. Your inner critic for example is a part – it can have a very loud harsh voice at times, yet it is doing an important job for you, even though it doesn’t feel like it. You might have a part that avoids conflict or a part that people pleases as a default. Importantly, these Parts influence our thoughts, perspectives, emotions and behaviours. They are not the entirety of who we are, although we might identify with them very strongly. We all have Parts that drive us and Parts that hold us back. This can often be the can when you feel stuck, repeating behaviour patterns or playing relationship loops again and again.

Sometimes it feels like these Parts are running the show.

Self: With a capital S. This is you, who you really truly are, the calm, creative, compassionate wise being. In our wisest Self we make our best decisions and choices and we harmonise all our parts. We work on getting to the place where our best Self is running the show harmoniously.

Imagine taming your inner critic’s harshness rather than numbing it or getting caught up in biting back or exhaustively proving them wrong. Imagine no longer caught in people pleasing loops. These inner-critics and people pleasers are just some of the many parts you might have.

IFS Coaching develops Self-Leadership and Emotional Intelligence through cultivating a deep self-awareness.

What is Self-Leadership? In IFS terms Self-Leadership is when you feel aligned to your core values. You recognise this when you feel truly centred – when you lead yourself and others from a calm, confident, courageous, clear, curious, creative, compassionate and connected place. When the inner voices are not berating you, you’re not filled with self-doubt or strategizing on how to feel better quick. When you are truly YOU. You may find the word authentic, purpose or purposeful coming up.

In senior leadership positions you want to be and are expected to be the epitome of calm, confident, clear decision making and direction. I’d consider almost all of us leaders; if you are in business or running a home or caring for family - these are all leadership roles. However, the reality is you are a human. So, you also have tumultuous inner seas, relentless responsibilities and pressure from all angles and all the humanness that brings. Coaching using an IFS frame allows you develop a deeper level of self-awareness and get to the heart of limiting beliefs and narratives and create sustainable change. We focus on your own internal system and how that interacts with your organisational system and those you work with.

How IFS applies to life coaching is very similar to executive coaching; the focus areas are usually different though. Life Coaching is broad and holistic, covering many or all aspects of life. The principles are the same, the focus can be different.

Coaching is often associated with and focused on what you want to achieve and the actions you need to take, ‘Goals & Action’. That works for many situations, but sometimes we keep hitting the same blocks: procrastination, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, self-doubt, low self-esteem, wobbly confidence, rumination etc and just can’t seem to sustainably get past these.

In IFS coaching, we see those patterns differently. We understand that these aren’t ‘problems’ to fix, they’re parts of you, often trying to keep you on track. For example, the part of you that delays starting the project might actually be protecting a part that fears failure. So there’s a hierarchy type relationship between all your Parts and until we figure that out, those ‘problems’ stick around.

IFS coaching helps you build a relationship with these parts, so you can lead from your core Self; calm, clear, compassionate and confident rather than being driven by old protective strategies. When I coach from that deeper place, change tends to stick and there are some profound insights along the way.

Firstly, IFS Coaching is not IFS Therapy. I’m not, nor do I want to be a therapist. I will not be guiding you back into places you do not want to go or that are beyond my expertise; that’s not my job.

I will encourage you to join the dots of ‘then and there’ with what’s happening ‘here and now’ for you currently – this is important in connecting with our Parts, particularly those Parts that are harsh and giving us a hard time.

I’m trained and practiced in the difference between therapy and coaching (I also have a Masters in Coaching, accreditation and IFS Certification), and I have personally experienced both excellent IFS therapy and IFS coaching, so I have a theoretical and experiential awareness of the differences. That being said, coaching can feel therapeutic and unburdening – it’s OK to enjoy this sensation!

The main differences are in how I as a coach use the techniques of IFS and tools - this is where my training comes in. I don’t work as a therapist and I am able to understand and know when spending some time with a therapist might actually be the very thing that will help you even more. We can discuss this further if you wish.

If you’d like to focus on IFS Coaching specifically (I do sometimes weave it in to my general practice too) then you can expect:

Some short meditations. You don’t have to sit cross legged on the floor in bare feet (I mean you can if you want). In a chair is fine. These are simple, very short, guided by me, relaxing gentle breathing techniques that detach your shoulders from your ears and unclench your jaw. This allows you to turn the volume down on external noise. We are not trying to control your internal thoughts; we welcome those openly. No meditation experience needed.

We will talk interoception and somatics. Oh no not somatics; err what actually is somatics? Sensations. What you can feel in your body and where. Some people ‘imagine’ in sensation, thoughts, voices with tone and pitch, colour, images, all of the above and none of the above. Almost everyone has a sense of their body. You know, a knot in your tummy, lump in your throat, sweaty palms, a smile, hot ears, tightness, tingle in your head etc. When we’re on the go we don’t notice this. When can notice this more easily when we’re relaxed. Will we find your thoughts are connected to your sensation? Probably – and so we begin.

We will work with the Parts of you that are present in your current dilemma, concerns or agenda. We also build up a picture, a map you might say of all your parts as we work together.

After a session I will ask you to keep an analogue journal of some kind; writing pen to paper. Things will come up between sessions and these might feel important, so keep them, bring them next time. I’ll also teach you some practices you might want to try yourself, so you’ll need to take the odd note here n there.

In short we take whatever you're working on, what’s important to you, what’s alive for you that you’d bring to any coaching conversation. As always it’s your agenda.

It's not passive. You know the saying, “Doing the Work”, well, it’s work. It’s kind, gentle, compassionate, curious, calm and fulfilling work though…

Short answer? I don’t know.

I don’t run programmed step by step cookie cutter courses. Everyone is different and everyone wants to achieve something different from coaching. So, I suggest we start with a chat to work out what it is you want to work on and we can discuss how many sessions you’d like to start with. I find that this helps most people work this bit out and find a cadence. A Chemistry Session is free. I don’t coach you here, so it’s not a freebie or a taster - it’s a chat where you can suss me out and ask me any questions you have. We’ll work out if we think we’ll be a good fit - that bits so important. You can check out my pricing structure on the PRICING page.