Internal Family Systems™️ (IFS) Coaching
What if there wasn't just one 'you'?
Have you ever noticed yourself saying, “I’m in two minds about this…”
"Part of me wants to do it and part of me doesn't”.
"Part of me knows I'll be fine, but part of me is terrified”.
"I want to speak up and say it, but I can’t seem to do it”.
“I know this isn’t the right thing and I find myself doing it anyway”.
“Part of me likes her but part of me just doesn’t trust her”.
Most of us recognise this experience immediately.
We experience different thoughts, feelings, reactions and impulses that seem to pull us in different directions. From making decisions, to breaking and making habits, to handling certain relationships, to promotions, to exits.
Well, what if there wasn’t just one you? What if that part of you that feels torn between the other part, wasn’t just a figure of speech, and they were actually Parts of you?
We are all made up of these Parts, they form our inner system and this is totally normal, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s normal and healthy.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a compassionate and practical way of understanding this.
It’s called Internal Family Systems because these Parts of us, in our internal system, organise themselves much the same as members of a family system. And IFS Coaching comes from and is informed by the lineage of IFS Therapy, which is steeped in Systems Thinking and derived from traditional family therapy. It’s an evolution….
Our Parts organise themselves like a family system. There’s a hierarchy, there are some loud voices, some drama, some challenging relationships, some distant, some nosey, some with strong emotions, some with very strong opinions and they have all the underlying dynamics and influence that create tension, emotion, joy, love and real family life.
So, you are not bringing your family, it’s not about your family. It’s all about YOU your SELF - we explore your internal world and system through this Parts lens.
What is Internal Family Systems™️?
Internal Family Systems™️ (IFS) is a framework that helps us understand all the different Parts of ourselves - that make us who we are, think how we think and do what we do.
First things first. These Parts are not signs that something is wrong with us. They are normal aspects of being a human. We all have them.
Some Parts help us achieve.
Some Parts help us avoid risk.
Some Parts try to protect us from rejection, criticism, disappointment or failure.
Each Part has developed for a really good reason and have been strategically important for us. They can often claim our biggest successes, and our biggest challenges. They are all doing a job for our internal system.
Even the Parts we struggle with most are usually trying to help.
IFS invites us to become curious about these Parts rather than judging, suppressing or fighting them.
Understanding your inner world
Many of the challenges people bring to coaching can be understood through this lens. Most people will recognise some of these Parts that are active in their system, driving the bus, running the show:
Self-doubt.
Perfectionism.
People pleasing.
Procrastination.
Overthinking.
Difficulty setting boundaries.
Inner criticism.
Internal Shaming
Feeling stuck.
These aren't the signs of weakness we’ve been led to believe. They are signs that different Parts of us are trying to help in different ways. They are active for a reason.
Understanding those Parts can create more awareness, more choice and ultimately more freedom.
You might have heard people say something like, “You need to banish that inner critic from your head!”
Well, I imagine that you’ve tried that, many times; to just stop those thoughts, to drown them out with positive affirmations? It doesn’t work in the long term. Sure enough, just when you don’t need it, your inner critic comes in and puts the kibosh on something important to you.
Understanding what’s going on in your system with your critical Part, and the Parts that it’s coming down on, with curiosity, kindness, and compassion is at the heart of IFS. We don’t try to banish, manipulate or trick these Parts into complying. The opposite; we understand them, get to know them, what job they are doing and we work with them to shift, change and still play a Part in your system - for you.
They bring a huge insight into your behaviour patterns, thought loops, rumination and emotional world, which is what drives much of your behaviour. And we work with them to make change. To soften their grip on you and let go of the wheel, so YOU can drive the bus.
Most folks never really go below the patterns and loops that keep them stuck or exhausted. They might get to a place where they recognise their strategies like people pleasing, imposter syndrome, withdrawal, leaving, staying etc and they can name it, but they don’t go into why and how to change.
Working with IFS in a coaching capacity can create sustainable change to those beliefs, assumptions, fears and emotions that keep us playing out the same old tapes.
How I use IFS in coaching
IFS is one of several approaches I draw upon in my coaching practice.
I don't ask clients to learn lots of theory; you really don’t need to get into any of the technicalities.
Instead, I use the model to help you understand yourself more deeply, as you are, right now. Together we explore the dilemmas, patterns, reactions, emotions and internal conflicts that may be influencing how you think, feel, work and relate to others. The stuff that makes you feel stuck. The patterns that make you repeat that thing again, even though you 100% do not want to. The reason why you feel like you can’t, when you kinda know you can….
My clients often describe this as finally making sense of something they've experienced for years.
My background with Internal Family Systems
I completed Foundations for Coaches training through the Internal Family Systems Institute (IFSI) and now work with the IFSI in their coaching faculty, supporting the delivery of Foundations for Coaches programmes as a Practice Guide.
There are only a handful of coaches with official IFS™️ Training in the UK currently. You might find many with Parts Informed or IFS informed, which isn’t the same as being trained in depth by the IFSI.
Alongside my work with Internal Family Systems, I am an EMCC Senior Practitioner Coach with a Master's in Coaching from Newcastle Business School.
My Master's research focused on coaching imposter syndrome, and much of my work now sits at the intersection of self-awareness, identity, confidence and leadership.
FAQ’s and common questions
Is IFS coaching therapy?
No.
Coaching and therapy are different disciplines and professions. The Internal Family Systems Institute offers two distinct tracks of learning, training and development. One for therapists and one for coaches. I’m a coach, not a therapist.
My work focuses on helping clients better understand themselves, navigate challenges and create meaningful change in their lives and work.
Do I need to understand IFS before we start?
Not at all.
Most of my clients have never heard of Internal Family Systems before we work together. You don’t need to know a thing. If you’d like to learn more as we go I can help you with that and many folks just want to be coached and understand themselves.
You don’t need to learn any jargon. That’s why I love it.
What can IFS help with?
Clients often find it helpful when working through:
Dilemmas
Feeling torn between two things.
Decision making; feels like too many variables.
Catastrophising and worry.
Relationship patterns; work, family and intimate.
Understanding emotions and emotional patterns.
Boundaries; creating and maintaining.
Why change has always felt so elusive.
This can often show up as:
Self-doubt
Imposter syndrome
Perfectionism
Procrastination
Confidence
Difficult decisions
Fitting in but not belonging
Boundaries
Relationships
Career transitions
Emotional reactions
Feeling stuck
Internal Family Systems and Leadership
Many of my clients are leaders in some capacity.
While this page explains the model itself, I've written separately about how Internal Family Systems can help leaders navigate the world of leadership, relationships at work, confidence, delegation, difficult conversations, executive presence and leadership transitions.
→ Read Leadership Coaching Using Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Curious?
Book a chemistry conversation and we'll explore what's going on, what you'd like to change and whether coaching might help.